The Lineup: Trump, Clinton, Sanders


The 2016 presidential race now seems to be down to Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders. Here are their specs:

3. The Devil

Scraping the bottom of the American electorate, The Trump has outdone the customary Big Money shills of the GOP. In fact, he can claim greater honesty than his contenders, for when he shills for the super rich brats who lord it over us, he shills for himself. I like to imagine that – if he should waltz into the White House – he will manage to antagonize the long sleeping American People enough for it to finally shrug off the yoke of the unholy marriage between the moneyed and political classes. With Trampling Donald in the Oval Office, who could still deny the ludicrous freak show our political system has become since it was bought by Big Money?

2. Countess Clinton

Ahhh… the pedigree of coming from a political dynasty… Wish for something? Hillary will surely promise it. But would you want to meet her alone in a dark alley? Or expect her to keep a campaign promise? Her husband sold America to NAFTA. Her current boss is selling it to the TPP. Such friends of the American People… Yes, sure, after our Chocolate President we would love to have a Lady President and congratulate ourselves for seemingly having overcome racial and gender prejudices; but shouldn’t we wish for a champion of regular people like Elisabeth Warren Tulsi Gabbard, Jill Stein, or Kshama Sawant (edited after some people revealed more of their true colors) rather than yet another shill for the Rich and Awful? I’ll let you decide.

1. The People’s Champion

Long have we waited for a true champion of the people who can win the presidential races the way they are run by our two party duopoly. A candidate who is not (completely, that is) blocked by the two parties which have always pushed all independent candidates out of the ring by one underhanded means or another. Enter Bernie Sanders, lifelong champion for the downtrodden, the marginalized, the disenfranchised, and – quite frankly – the most of us: honest working people. Too long have we been robbed of the fruits of our labor and a voice in our own affairs. We need to take back our country now before we lose it forever. The Bern is a godsend for our fight. With him running the Oval Office, we the people would finally have a friend in the White House the better to clean up the rest of our corrupted political system. Even if, in the end, he should not become our president this fall, Sander’s campaign helps us rally around the people’s flag, our own flag for once. Power to the people!


Dishonorable mention goes to Ted Cruz, typical shill from the GOP (Greedy Operatives for Purchase).


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